


chasing ambient light

by temporaryblood



Series: Abandon Your Pride [1]
Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Dubious Consent, F/F, Incest, Knifeplay, Light Emetophilia, Penis Size, Sexual Violence, Sibling Incest, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, small penis humiliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 06:20:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15333711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/temporaryblood/pseuds/temporaryblood
Summary: Four years after failing out of college and running away from home, Tomoe returns to a broken family... to face her sister.





	chasing ambient light

**Author's Note:**

>   
> ****__  
> And if your love digs you a hole,  
>  if it falls aimlessly out of control  
> I’ll let you spill open my skull  
> cause there’s no saving us from what we sow 

It’s hard loving your sister. It’s hard.

It’s hard being idolized, it’s hard being the older sibling, it’s hard having a family, being a lesbian, being a _woman_ , trying to do good and to be well.

A lot of stuff is very hard in life.

_**Thunk.** _

Your forehead bumps into the mirror as the plane jostles. It doesn’t quite reverberate in the small bathroom but it does inside your skull.

“I love my sister,” you mutter to no one, “and that’s okay.”

_**Thunk.** _

“This is _going_ to be a good trip,”

_**Thunk.** _

“You brought everything you need, meds… uh clothes?”

_**Thunk.** _

“And she _probably_ doesn’t hate me-”

_**Thunk.** _

You’re hitting your head against the glass on purpose now. Maybe you should stop thinking about Ako.

You look up and try to force a smile out, the mirror reflects an awkward grimace. You sigh deeply. This is going to be a nightmare.

You turn and kick the flushing mechanism on the toilet. It loudly does it’s job.

The sink is low so you bend over and cup some water, splashing it onto your face and taking a deep breath. Cool as a cucumber. You turn and open the door, hearing a little chime from the announcement system.

“Ladies and gentlemen at this time we would like you to return to your seats and fasten your belt buckles as we enter our final approach. We should be on the ground in about 30 minutes, thanks for your cooperation.” A voice announces over the PA, the pilot probably.

You find your seat and settle back in, looking out the window to your right. You can see the ground and the city. Everything stretches out in front of you like a blanket.

It’s been at least 4 years since you’ve seen your family. Your mom and dad divorced shortly after you failed out of college. You couldn’t stand to come home and face everyone so you kinda just… left to live on your own. Your mom has been pretty chill about things, unlike your dad who seems to have taken everything you’ve done extremely personally which… makes sense you guess.

God.

You haven’t seen _Ako_ in 4 years… You missed her graduation you missed her shows. Roselia actually managed to get pretty big while _your_ band just kinda… fizzled out. How depressing. You still stay in touch with everyone but it’s been weird. Not quite tense or anything just plain weird.

You wonder if Ako hates you. it’s kind of all you can think about these past few weeks maybe even months. Ako. Imagined arguments, confrontations, expectations, how to talk, what to say, what _could_ you say? How do you even feel? How did you ever feel? How does _she_ feel?

She must think you abandoned her. She had to deal with the divorce right in front of her. She had to graduate alone and pick a college and move in and _go_ to college.

She lives with your mom now and that’s where you’re going. She’s home for the summer and that’s good. You miss her. A lot. You’ve had a hard 4 years and no support, not even the support of your sister who was always in your corner, attached at the hip.

You _left_ her, god you fucking suck.

You crumple forward into a ball, face in hands, elbows on knees. You let out another _deep_ sigh. You left your sister alone after years of being there for her… _with_ her. You’re disgusted in yourself despite knowing that you couldn’t have lived any other way.

It’s hard though like, it’s hard trying to figure out what you are and who you are or were and then there’s Ako attached to your hip the whole time and you gotta be a good example for a sister, but you don’t even know how you relate to womanhood or other women. You gotta grow up with or without her there and suddenly… she’s just gone from your life and it’s your fault. You don’t know what your weird feelings were or are and you don’t have the time or space to like sort them out.

And now you have to go see her.

You’ve spent months… years trying to figure out what’s going on in your head and now it gets ‘put to the test’ or whatever.

You just hope things aren’t weird. You hope you don’t _make_ them weird.

Just gotta hope for the best, you think, as the plane kicks starting its descent.

* * *

The baggage carousel lazily spins, people rush around you for their begs but some, like yourself, are kinda just standing there waiting. There’s a lot of waiting to do at airports no matter what step of the process you’re in. So you’re standing there. Chillin’.

A bag that looks suspiciously like yours rolls over and flops ungracefully on the conveyor belt, you approach it and the tag says it’s yours so you pick it up. Hooray.

Flipping your phone out of your pocket reveals the time, 4:05pm, seems like you’re gonna make it in time for dinner at least. You notice you’ve received a text from… Ako?

“What terminal are you at?” she asks.

“Uhh...3,” you respond. Did she come with mom in the car? “Just grabbed my bag.”

“Okay, it’s the black Subaru right by the light post next to the barricades- hurry up.” you slide your phone into your back pocket and extend the luggage’s handle, rolling it out of the way of the other people trying to get their bags.

You head down the hall and out the doors to the pick up area, you see a few cars, not too many, this airport is smaller than the one you came from and others you’ve been through.

Out of the corner of your eye you spot movement, a figure exiting a black Subaru. It’s Ako.

You gulp.

She gives you a cool wave before cupping her hands in front of her face. You begin walking towards her, wondering what she’s doing. Her hands drop to her sides and you see a cigarette hanging in her lips, you can barely make it out but it’s definitely a cigarette! Like with smoke and everything! What the hell! Is mom okay with this? It doesn’t matter right now though you’re walking towards her.

She climbs back into the car and pops open the lock on your door and opens the trunk. She leans across the seat and rolls your window down, then she rolls down hers as well. Meanwhile you toss your bag in the back. You climb into the shotgun seat of the car, as Ako exhales a smooth cloud out the window. Her hand idly flicks the cigarette against the small exposed section of window.

She turns to you with a beaming smile.

“Heya sis!”

You can see her eyes through her sunglasses, you can make out the traces of eyeliner and mascara… it’s _heavy_ which makes sense Ako was always a little… you know like that. She takes another drag off the cigarette and you watch her carefully do it. Her lips aren’t done up but that’s probably on account of the two piercings, one in either side, she has through them. Her septum is pierced too you notice… and her… ears. There’s a _lot_ on her ears. Man she’s been _really_ busy with that huh?

“Hey,” You smile warmly, it’s been so long since you’ve seen her. Wow you missed her so much. “It’s been a minute huh?”

Ako laughs, hissing air through her semi-clenched teeth.

“A minute… yeah,” she pauses and looks down at her lap. Then she darts back up, taking another drag and leaving the cigarette in her mouth as she fastens her seatbelt. “Buckle up kiddo.”

_Kiddo?_

The car lurches forward as Ako shifts into drive, pulling out of the spot she had kind of sloppily parked in. It doesn’t really matter she was only there for a minute anyway.

She drives slow as she follows the curves of the airport roads, looking to get on the highway.

“How was Dad’s? You visited him first right?” Ako keeps one hand on the shifter and one on the wheel, despite the car being an automatic. You wonder if she often drives stick shift.

“Y-yeah, it kinda sucked honestly,” you admit frankly.

Ako laughs.

“Yeah, dad turned into a real dick didn’t he? He still giving you shit for dropping out?” she smiles a huge toothy grin, holding the cigarette between her teeth.

“ _Failing_ out,” you correct her. It stings to say a little but you feel the need to say it anyway. “And yeah. He really worked me over the first two days there. I guess he’s still bitter about all that stuff and about...” you gesture vaguely towards Ako “All that shit that went down with mom.”

Ako nods contemplatively.

“Last time I saw him I spit on him you know,” she laughs saying this.

“Ako!” you blurt out.

“It’s true! He… he said some shit so I fuckin spit on him big deal what he said was _way_ worse than a little spit deserved.” Ako removes her hand from the shifter to grab her cigarette and spits out the window. “Fuckin prick.” She punctuates the sentence with a grunt.

Swapping the cigarette to her left hand she grabs the wheel with her right and changes lanes in one smooth practiced motion.

“Do you smoke?” she nods towards you.

“Once in a blue moon,” you answer honestly, you like to smoke when you drink but now and again one is good.

“Wanna bum one? They’re Americans.” She chuckles while saying this.

“Imports?” You reach down for the red pack. “Marlboro?”

“Yeah, I read someone talking about them in an American metal magazine so I figured I’d try ‘em. They’re a little different but not bad.” She takes another heavy drag as you pull a cigarette out.

Ako reaches into the breast pocket of her flannel shirt and produces a white lighter, she hands it to you.

“White huh?” You say, shielding the cigarette with your hands as you try to light it.

“It’s so people won’t take it. They’re supposed to be bad luck. I keep getting mine swiped so I try to use white ones now.” She shakes her head and laughs. “Fuckin’ girls keep nabbing em.”

“Fan girls?” You smirk at her, you still can’t light this cigarette. Hmm that sucks.

She reaches down and presses the old school cigarette lighter on the dashboard, it hums gently as it begins heating up.

“You could _say_ that yeah I guess.” She checks the rear view mirror and merges right once more. The steady click of the turn signal indicator is nice. “Sorry I forgot about the wind in the car,” she says reaching back and grabbing her lighter from you. “That thing’ll be ready in a sec don’t worry.”

Sure enough the device pops out. You grab it eagerly. Smoking a cigarette with your sister, my how things have changed!

You press the orange glowing tip of the lighter to the end of the cigarette and draw breath. It lights up quickly and way more smoothly than a lighter would do. You click it back into place where it was.

“So you smoke now?” You chuckle as you toss it out there.

Ako laughs heartily and repeats herself.

“Because of fuckin’ _girls_ man,” she slaps the wheel with her hand chuckling. “Yeah yeah. Mom hates it but she knows she can’t stop me so like it’s happening for now. I dunno it’s nice to have a vice I guess at least I’m not constantly high like Sayo or gaming as much as Rinko is… or _drunk_ like Lisa.

“Lisa drinks? Is Lisa even _old enough_ to drink?” You sputter back.

“No totally totally! She looks the part too she’s got this sophisticated older woman thing going on now because she thinks it’s what’ll get Yukina to finally fuck her it’s _hilarious_.” Ako shakes her head and smiles. “What a bunch of fucking idiots we all are.” She takes another big drag off her cigarette and tosses it out the window.

The highway rolls by as your cigarette shortens. It feels good to fall back into such a casual conversation with Ako, even if she’s a little different. Who wouldn’t be after all that shit. You can’t imagine the kind of pressure and power that must come with her level of fame, even if it’s relatively small.

Ako merges back into the left lane to take the exit. You two sit in a comfortable silence as she makes a few quick maneuvers onto the road. You smile thinking of your cute sister driving. Wait fuck she’s _driving_ you forgot about that part but it’s probably too late to be like ‘Oh you drive?’ like no shit Tomoe of course she drives. _You_ don’t drive but of course Ako would. She’s cool and stuff now. Wow. Gosh.

One final turn is made and the car comes drifting to a halt outside of a cute house in a small suburb. Ako turns and flashes you another quick smile.

“Easy peasy,” She flashes a peace sign as she does, snorting a laugh. You chuckle in response, stepping out of the car. The trunk pops open and you grab your bag, following closely behind her as she leads you up the walkway and into your mother’s house.

* * *

Stepping through the doorway reveals a spacious entryway. A western style building with a small staircase, a smaller table holding knick knacks, a full length mirror and a glass chandelier.

“Preeeety swanky,” you follow up with a whistle. Ako rolls her eyes.

“Yeah Mom wanted something with good natural light and open spaces and I guess with Dad basically fronting the bill...” She trails off, leafing through the mail sitting on the small table. She grabs a few pieces and removes her shoes. You remove yours too.

“C’mon,” Ako motions towards the staircase and you follow her up. it’s carpeted! That’s pretty nice.

The two of you walk from room to room as you get the tour of the upstairs. Mom’s room, Work Room, the bathroom and finally Ako’s room. She prods you in the ribs as you stand outside of it.

“Now you can’t get away from me! You’re stuck with me in my room for good!” she giggles and you’re back four years suddenly like as if nothing has changed. You smile at her.

“Fine by me.”

The door opens and… Ako’s room is surprisingly normal? You were expecting like… bats and candelabras and shit. That weird chunni goth shit she was into. Is she not into it anymore? You look her up and down and she looks like maybe she’s grown _up_ but not _out_ of it? It’s weird? There’s posters… of like normal stuff. A mirror and dresser and even an armoire.

Ako notices your awkward glances around the room and stifles a laugh.

“I keep it pretty normal nowadays, it makes it easier.” She sticks her tongue out and turns to the closet, opening it.

“Makes what easier?” You muse aloud.

Ako repeats herself for the third time.

“Fuckin’ girls!” she giggles.

The closet is filled to the brim with black or black adjacent clothing, there’s several splashes of color but they’re not grand, they’re muted blues and reds and grays. It’s mostly flannel and leather and skinny jeans. Wow what the hell.

She turns to the armoire and opens it a little.

“Here’s where all the weird is,” She simply says, showing off her dresses. “I keep all my Roselia outfits in here along with any fancy dresses or whatever. I don’t really like to wear them anymore unless it’s a special occasion but even then I’m probably gonna go with a suit.”

“A suit?” You’re surprised! Ako used to be all over gothic lolita kind of dresses when she was younger. It hasn’t even been that long!

“Yeah you remember Kaoru?” Ako says, you nod in response. “She kinda got me into this baby butch thing.”

“Butch?” You ask. She steps across the room towards her bed as she speaks.

“Yeah you know like… masc lesbians or whatever, suits and vests, slacks instead of skirts, casual stuff like flannel.” she rattles off the list like she’s said it a million times.

“No I mean like… butch like as in you’re a _lesbian_?” This was shocking! That was _your_ thing!

“Did you think I was saying ‘fuckin girls’ for my health Tomoe?” Ako collapses backwards onto the bed laughing. “Yeah I’m gay why? Are _you_ gay too?” She asks in an overly eager manner

“Of course I am stupid,” you respond, “we’re friends on _facebook_ you _must’ve_ seen me post about it.”

Ako rolls to the side and finishes laughing at your expense.  
  
“Nah of course, of course. I was just fucking with you.” She sits up and grabs her feet, crossing her legs like a pretzel. She frowns and looks down.

“Dad called you a fucking _dyke_ and… and a tranny. That’s why I spit on him. I was trying to come out to him and he said it was _your_ fault that I turned out this way because I was always trying to be like you so I spit in his fucking face.” She kinda trails off, takes a small breath and sighs.

“That’s… like him. He didn’t take me too good either, some shit about ‘mutilating your body just to be straight anyway’ or what the fuck ever.” You respond, sighing as well. You slink down onto the bed next to Ako and toss an arm around her shoulder. Her cheeks go a little pink. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that, you know I obviously support you.”

“Thanks,” Ako brushes her hair out of her face and smiles.

“I’m curious though,” you begin, “How’d you figure it out? Was that Kaoru too?”

“THAT INCEL?” Ako slaps her hand against her knee hard and cracks the fuck up. Doubling over with laughter there are tears in her eyes. “GOD no! Oh god. She couldn't fuck her way out of a paper bag” She sits up and wipes the tears from her eye. “No no I uh… I talked with Sayo about it. Kind of everyone in Roselia actually. I mean Sayo’s gay and Rinko’s at least bi or something and Lisa is… in love with Yukina,” she laughs again saying this. “So between that we all kinda put our heads together and figured maybe I should try a few dates or low pressure situations while on tour or whatever and it worked out and like… yeah I like girls I _really- like- girls._ ” Her voice drops as she says this, leaning in close to you. She punctuates every part of that last sentence so deliberately it almost makes you shudder. Ako’s gotten _way_ too smooth for her own good… or maybe that’s the point. Maybe she’s finally comfortable and can reconcile her fantasies with reality and actually live. God you hope so. You hope you can find that too.

“That’s really sweet actually, I’m glad you girls are such a tight unit.” You frown, thinking of Afterglow and how things went. “Moca was the one that kinda helped me along when I was figuring things out but… Afterglow broke up before I could come out or like reconcile or anything so I’m glad to hear that you got the chance to do that with your band.”

“Yeah I’m sorry about you guys.” Ako rubs the back of her head with her hand. “I still see Moca you know? She deals now so Sayo buys off her when we’re in town.”

“Yeah you mentioned that Sayo smokes, what’s up with that? Sayo was always such a goodie two shoes I thought.”

“Yeah Hina got her into it.” She shakes her head and suddenly her eyes go super wide. “Those two are a _mess_ honestly… I love it.”

“What do you mean Ako?”

“Well like they’re _fucking_ which is like… kind of huge.” Ako shakes her head again laughing.  
“Wait Hina and Sayo, the _sisters?_ Are fucking?” What the hell?

“Yeah it’s a.. uh… it’s a long story. It’s actually kind of sweet if you can believe it.” Ako looks down at the ground again. “I uh… I’ve heard a lot about it from the two of them and I support them even if they’re goofy idiots.”

“You… _support_ them?” you shoot back. “ _Seriously_?” this is… weird. Sure people made jokes about Ako being into you but surely she wasn’t okay with that stuff? How could she be without ever telling you or anything? You two never had secrets except for… yours you guess.

“I- I don’t know it took _time_ you know? I wasn’t just ‘OH OKAY’ with it day 1 but like… hearing them talk about each other is like they’re… I dunno they’re actually in love and shit and they’re so close and it’s easy because they’re sisters and... it’s really sweet it makes me wish...” but Ako trails off before she can finish the sentence. You sigh.

“’I wish finding a partner would be so easy for me’ right? Yeah I have a lot of trouble with dating too.” You slump backwards in the bed. Dating has been a nightmare for you for some time now. The lesbian community around you is awful and you’re kind of just stagnating living around your old college town. You haven’t seen or talked to another lesbian in so long… I mean besides Ako you guess. It’s just all curious and bi-curious college girls and relationships never seem to actually go anywhere.

“That’s not what-…” Ako starts, “Nevermind yeah dating is rough I feel you, I’m sorry.” She rattles off again like she’s had to say it before.

Before you can think much more of it there’s a knock.

“Ako, Tomoe are you two back?” Your mom chimes in through the door.

“Yeah,” Ako shouts back. “Been here about half an hour or so.”

“Well come on down for dinner, I just got back with takeout.”

Dinner is uneventful. Mom is nice, or she tries to be as nice as she can. She smells the smoke on your and Ako and makes a stink about you smoking as well but it doesn’t really go anywhere. It seems like she’s too tired of dealing with Ako’s smoking to really lay into you about it.

Afterwards Ako washes the dishes while you wipe down the table. Your mom retires to the living room to watch some shows. The two of you manage to take care of the kitchen pretty quickly.

Ako points a thumb upstairs and walks out the room and you follow her, up the stairs and to her room.

Stepping through the threshold your sister collapses on the bed in a huff.

“I _hate_ cleaning up,” she groans into her pillow.

“So no change huh?” You reply. Ako’s always been messy, come to think of it her room is surprisingly nicely kept. “Why’s your room so clean then?”

“I have to keep it nice so I don’t look like a loser when I bring girls home,” she rolls over onto an elbow and faces you winking. “Get more pussy that way.”

You nearly spit all over yourself, quickly bringing a hand up to cover your mouth as you laugh.

“I thought dating was hard!” You exclaim, what on earth has Ako become.

“Yeah dating _is_ hard… but _pussy_ _is easy_.” Ako snaps a finger gun at you as she says this.

“What in the world has my sister become!” You half-shout, grabbing the sides of your head.

Your hands slide down your head pulling your cheeks slightly, you release and they slide back normally.

“A lesbian chad,” Ako says, bouncing her eyebrows up and down with each word before breaking into a laugh. “Being in Roselia definitely helps me find the weirdos too, lots of lesbian fans of this all girl rock band unsurprisingly. Lots of hot freaks.”

“Oh god I can’t believe this. My own sister… a _chad_.” you laugh again, Ako has gotten smoother and way better at talking without going off on tangents about secret powers and shit.

“It’s my secret power,” she laughs, tossing a pillow at you.

“I was wondering when you were gonna slide back into that shit.” You say, catching the pillow and walking towards the bed. You plop down holding the pillow in your lap.

“Well I’m glad one of us is having a good time with their sex life or dating life or whatever.” You lean to the side and crack your back, it’s a pretty good one, lots of noise.

Ako bends her knees and hugs them in a kind of fetal position.

“You could be like this too. You were in a cool band you’re still a damn good drummer I’m sure. You could get another gig or something easy! I could set you up with a band… or some girls if you just wanna fuck or whatever.” her words are reassuring but ultimately don’t help.

“It’s not just that it’s like… where I’m at. My location. it’s like a shitty college town and I’m just a shitty drop out so like…” you shrug, “I’m just a waste to some girls, the ones that give me a chance... Look Afterglow was good but I can’t cruise by dropping a defunct band that never got nearly as popular as Roselia.” You flop backwards, where Ako’s legs used to be, your head bumps the wall but it doesn’t hurt too much so you ignore it.

Ako rolls over onto her back and looks down at you.

“90% of how I get girls has nothing to do with Roselia or being a drummer honestly. It’s like… mostly wearing a leather jacket and smoking I’m pretty sure… or like just being able to talk to people normally. You were always better at that than me so you should be fine. Are you sure it’s not something else that’s got you like… whiffing in that department?” Ako scoots back and forth, sitting herself up at the head of her bed.

“What do you mean?” You’re confused but she’s kind of right. You’ve been a little too preoccupied to really give dating a fair shake lately, trying to deal with your own mental state and feelings about being gay. I mean it’s not exactly new but it’s still… hard with everything that’s gone on the past four years, you have a lot of weird looking back to do that’s not always happy looking back.

“Well like,” Ako stands up off the bed and walks across the room to her dresser. “How often do you even go on dates anymore?”

“Rarely,” you scoff. “There’s so few lesbians that want to actually deal with me anymore.”

“So what are you like all online?” Ako asks, genuinely curious. It’s kind of sweet.

“Yeah exactly… I spend a lot of time on twitter or… in chatrooms and stuff. It’s really my only sense of community.” It’s not exactly a lie. You do spend the majority of your time online nowadays and online lesbians are the only kind you really interact with. “I was in therapy for a bit but I can’t really afford it anymore.”

“What kinda chatrooms?” It’s very sweet to have your sister care about you but you don’t really feel ready to start talking about this kind of stuff day one after four years of relative silence.

“Oh you know like… lesbians, fans of stuff I watch, fanfic writers, all sorts of lame stuff.” You’re not lying but you’re definitely not going to explain your mental health support network and all of this to her right now. It’s not the time it’s not the place you’re not in the space.

“How about like siscons?”

All of the blood leaves your face.

You’re stark ghastly pale.

“W-what do you mean?” you manage to push out. Standing up to face her.

“Oh you know,” Ako says turning to face you. “ _Siscons_. Like Sayo and Hina. Girls who want to fuck their sisters. You know like how people used to joke about...” and she gestures between the two of you wordlessly. She licks her lips nervously? She looks nervous. She slowly drags her teeth along her tongue as she retracts it. She reaches into her top drawer of her dresser and looks around for something.

“M-Me? No not at all! I mean there were all the jokes about us so like I don’t think I-” but she cuts you off.

“Hey guys,” she says, pulling a small piece of paper from the drawer. “I’m pretty new to this whole thing so sorry if I’m quiet or shy. I’ve been dealing with feelings for my sister in therapy and I was wondering if this would be a good place to like have some support or communication about that, thanks, T.”

If there was any blood in your body right now it would be ice cold but you’re _sure_ there isn’t because you are numb all the way through. She just… how could she… where...

“Hey guys, I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately,” she continues. “I can’t stop thinking about my sister and our relationship and whether or not she hates me. I stay up all night thinking about her and it’s not just sexual fantasies so… I dunno it feels real, T.”

You stare into the middle distance somewhere between Ako’s beltline and a thousand miles away.

“Hey gang, I think I’m gonna actually see my sister for the first time in four years. Wish me luck, winky face T.”

You drop to your knees. This can’t be fucking happening. Your gaze lowers to the floor, there are tears welling up in your eyes but Ako presses on.

“Oh here’s my favorite,” she slams the drawer shut and turns to face you.

“I worry about my sister ever finding out about this because that would mean she’s in these same spaces and then we’d like _have_ to fuck and that kind of takes some of the magic out of it lol, T.”

Ako huffs. She’s standing above you now looking down you imagine. All you can see is the floor and your knees on the ground in front of you.

“W-w-…why w-w-were y-you?” you push out, the tears are coming now in slow droplets. There’s no sobbing or panic yet just… the weight of all of your feelings being relayed back at you by someone who has clearly seen them all.

“I _told_ you, Sayo and Hina are fucking. Of course I had to do some research. Of course I had to think about all those jokes. Of course I had to figure out my own fucking feelings. Feelings for someone who fucking _left_ me.” She scoffs at you. “You look pathetic.”

Your hands rush up to your face and the sobs come hard.

“I’m sorry Ako! I never wanted to leave you I just… I didn’t know how else to _be_. I didn’t know how I could come back to you after failing so hard.” You smear the tears along your cheeks as you cry.

“Oh so you just up and _left_ and that’s _wa-a-a-ay_ better isn’t it?” Ako spits back, stomping her heel into the ground and grinding it.

“I had to figure out _who_ I was Ako! I had t o figure out _what I was_.” You sob back.

“BULL. SHIT. I figured out who I was here _JUST FINE_.” Ako is getting louder now you can see in the top of your vision her hands are balled into fists. They’re trembling.

“I-I...I couldn’t do it Ako I couldn’t face you.” your sobs are subsiding but it doesn’t hurt any less.  
“Well _why_ the fuck _not_ ” She yelps through shaky breaths. She turns to the side and locks her door, coming back to stand in front of you. She’s getting louder and she knows it, it’s only a matter of time before mom comes up to check in on you after the screaming.

“ _Because_ I was… I am… I’m a _dyke_ and I was supposed to be a good example for you but I just failed out of college and turned into a dyke and I just,” you finally look up to face her now. “I couldn’t face you because I thought of all those jokes that were made and I wondered how it would look if it was true Ako…. Ako. Ako I spent years going through high school politely listening to everyone talk about crushes or feelings and I never had any feelings of my own I never had anything but my relationship with you and that confused me. Th-that’s why I was in those groups I was trying to understand-” but she cuts you off again.

“Oh I think you understood _plenty_ based on the things you were saying.” she spits on the ground next to you. Your eyes go back to the ground. “I think you’re still hiding this shit from me”

Ako crouches down and gets right next to your ear.

“I think you’re scared of what you’re feeling because you’re a _disgusting. Freak. Sisterfucker. Degenerate._ You’re _scared_. You’re scared you are gonna do bad by me. Like I’m not my own person just because I looked up to you, just because I loved you as a sister as-” Ako cuts herself off this time, standing up again. “It doesn’t matter.”

Your sobbing is finishing. You’re wiping the tears from your face with the backs of your wrists and hands. Your whole face is slick with tears.

“What do you want?” Ako has to want something from you. To keep this a secret. Is she gonna blackmail you? You’re sure she’s gonna. What could she possibly want that you even fucking have.

“What do you _mean,”_ she screams back.

“You want something in exchange for keeping quiet… you’re gonna blackmail me with this,” you scoff yourself now. “You’re gonna make me give you money to not tell mom or dad. God he’s just gonna _love_ to hear this. How Tomoe ruined Ako’s-”

A slap echos in the room. Ako hit your left cheek with her right hand. The follow through is intense. She hops on one foot as she leans into and through the slap.

“You don’t understand _shit_.” She screams again. “You’re too stuck in your own head about this shit. What about _me_ what about _my feelings_ what about _me_ being my own fucking person.” She spits again punctuating that sentence.

“P-p-please do-don’t tell anyone,” You sob again, your breathing is ragged and your cheek stings. “I’ll do anything.”

_**-Click-** _

You look up to see Ako brandishing a folding knife. Just in time to watch her slide it under your jaw and press it up against your tender throat.

“You’re _damn_ right you’ll do anything.” she hisses.

And then there’s a knock on the door.

“Ako is… is everything okay in there?” Your mother seems very concerned… _afraid_?

“I’m _fine,_ ” Ako replies tersely. “I stubbed my toe and it hurt so I screamed, sorry for scaring you.”

“Ako ar-are you sure that’s all that it is? Is Tomoe in there with you? You two aren’t fighting are you.” She seems to be almost pleading with your sister.

Ako makes a motion with her head towards the door and whispers at you.  
“Tell her we’re fine.” she hisses through gritted teeth.

“Yeah Mom I’m in here,” you shout “We’re fine Ako just slammed her foot on the dresser she’s okay though, we’re both okay.” It feels bad to lie but it feels worse having a knife against your throat.

Ako half smile half grimaces at you.

Your mother seems to think this is an acceptable response.

“Okay sweeties, I’m going back to my show.” and she presumably turns around and walks away.

“Bye mom,” you and Ako answer in unison.

There’s a beat as you listen to her footsteps descending the stairs, faint as they are with the carpeting. You hardly heard her approach. Luckily she didn’t come during the middle of any of the actual screaming or she would’ve heard everything.

You look back towards Ako, who is still staring down at you derisively. She looks away suddenly, letting out a small sigh.

“Good. You listen,” Ako says neutrally, lightening up her grip a bit. It’s true you don’t want to disobey, you know Ako wouldn’t hurt you but…

Her hand re-tightens her grip on the blade, and the blade’s pressure against your soft flesh. You tense up, holding your shoulders and neck as still as you can. Ako notices this and exhales sharply.

“Relax, there’s a bundle of muscles in front of your carotid. I wouldn’t hit anything vital unless I was really, _really_ trying,” She angles the knife upwards as she says this, you feel a small pinch and a bead of sweat roll down your throat. “Of course it’s still gonna fucking hurt so if you don’t want that just listen to me.”

“H-hurt?” You stammer out, gulping. Your hands want to lift up to your throat but you can’t bring yourself to. Ako seems serious.

She reaches towards you and runs her finger up your throat from your collarbone to the knife. Pulling her finger away you notice it’s slick with blood. She lolls her tongue out of her mouth and sniffs it before licking it off and sucking the finger clean. Oh god that wasn’t sweat running down your neck was it. Oh god she actually nicked you. You must’ve shown some panic in your eyes at that realization because Ako is smiling now. It’s different than before.

Ako reaches up and begins unbuttoning the collar of her flannel, she undoes three buttons and pulls it to the side, she reaches down and grabs your hand. Holding your hand for a moment she lets out a small unhinged giggle, then she lifts you and runs your fingers down the side of her throat.

It’s bumpy, the skin is uneven and ragged. As you look closer you can see discolorations… white lines? Dotting in small but certainly large enough swipes. Your eyes go wide as you realize what this means. Ako licks her lips again.

“Yeah. _Hurt._ For a _while_ too.” she pulls your hand back and throws it into your lap. Your body bounces as it makes contact with your thighs, you’re totally limp aside from the tension in your upper back and neck.

“No bra huh? Noticed that earlier in the car.” Ako says, now noticing your breasts bounce when your body shook. She reaches down and with her forefinger and thumb grabs your nipple. You squirm and tighten your face, it doesn’t exactly hurt… it actually feels nice but it’s Ako doing it and that makes it super complicated.

A silent sob ripples through you, why is she doing this? What does she want? What’s going to happen? Is she mad? Does she hate you? There’s so many questions you can’t begin to think of what to ask.

“Wh-whe-.. Ho-… Why.. W- why? Wh-what...” you stammer, trying to find the words, they’re not coming any faster than the sobs are. You cough out a single sob as tears stream down your cheeks again. The breath leaves your body and you desperately try to suck it back in to no avail.

“Where? Here. How? How ever I want. Why? Because _I_ want to. What?” Ako exhales sharply through her teeth, she runs her tongue over them and then licks her lips. “I’m gonna _fuck_ you sis.” she practically spits out.

You’re gonna be sick. Your stomach clenches as Ako squeezes tighter, tweaking your nipple counterclockwise.

“C’mon _sis_ , isn’t this what you _wanted_?” She’s taunting you. You meekly lift your hands in protest but she just scoffs. “Put those back down in your lap like a good girl.”

Surprisingly your body does what it’s told and you resume sitting quietly except for your sobs and the spasms of your stomach. Your body aches deeply, it’s almost like Ako’s hands aren’t there touching you, like you’re floating somewhere else. You stare up and off into space somewhere behind her head for a moment, letting it all wash over you.  
Ako releases your nipple and holds her left hand in front of your eyes, snapping twice.

“Hey, hey!” She half whispers. “I want you _here_ for this. Don’t _make_ me start hurting you to keep you here okay?”

You nod the sobbing seems to have stopped. Your face still feels wet with tears. Ako takes the back of her hand and wipes your eyes, smearing the tears on your cheeks and herself. She crouches down to eye level with you and frowns almost in a mocking way.

“Hey… you know I love you and don’t wanna hurt you right?” she asks innocently. You don’t really move, you just sniffle.

She begins to draw the knife gently across your throat. You feel the pinch of the blade digging in and separating skin. She moves slowly and her frown turns to a scowl.

“ _Right?_ ” she asks again, more determined for an answer.

You close your eyes and nod meekly. The knife stops moving and Ako lowers it from your throat. She places her free hand on your shoulder and leans in, hugging you. You feel her throat press into yours as her left hand reaches around and holds the small of your back.

It’s peaceful for a moment. All you can feel is your heartbeat, fast, and Ako’s heartbeat, slow. You have no idea what she’s thinking. Nothing she says makes any sense. You can’t imagine how the past four years have changed her… or maybe she was always like this? Always willing to take what she wanted as long as she had you to back her up.

Now you were being forced to back her up.

Ako pulls back, you can see a smearing of blood on her throat, probably from the cut on yours. Cuts? With an S? You don’t know, you can’t see. Nor can you particularly feel. She must’ve cut very lightly. You suppose that’s good, it definitely cuts down on the fear a little bit. She probably _doesn’t_ want to hurt you very much I mean you’re _sisters_ after all how could she want to hurt you that bad? Maybe-

The knife is against you once more. Tip being pushed into your chest, right above your shirt’s low neckline. You can see from above that the sharp edge is facing down. You look up to meet Ako’s gaze and she tilts her head and smiles a goofy little grin at you.

“Ready?”

Ready? For what? Oh god what is she going to _do_ to you? You tense up as Ako softly laughs to herself. You feel the point of the knife dig in a little harder. You look down. What’s going to ha-

Your thought is cut off by a searing pain as the knife drags down your chest. The tip digs in, it feels like it’s hitting bone. It feels rough, that’s the only word you can think of, the knife is sharp but the tip is so _rough_. Your breath freezes in your chest, aside from sputtering out every so often like blood from an artery. You clench your eyes tightly and grit your teeth, trying to keep the air from spilling out of you. You’re doubling over now.

The knife hits the collar of your shirt. Thank god maybe she’ll _stop_ now.

She doesn’t. Of course.

Ako reaches up with her free hand and grabs the collar, pulling it taught as she drags the knife down with the other hand. The rough serrations on the blade serve as the perfect surface to cut the collar. She rubs the shirt gently back and forth against the knife and it cuts through. You hear the ripping of your shirt and the knife resumes its movement down your chest.

Your eyes open, tears filling your vision and you see Ako. She’s staring _intently_ at your chest, at the knife, at the blood. She’s panting, you notice. It’s hard to notice anything through the sheering burning pain in your chest but you do notice her breath is as rough as yours.

You don’t dare look down, your stomach churns at the thought of watching this happen. Hell it just churns anyway as you think of what the fuck is even happening. You cough and Ako pauses momentarily, almost… out of concern? You feel the contents of your stomach forcing their way up your esophagus. Drool leaks out of your mouth and it feels like there’s a baseball in your throat. Breathing has become harder. Your breaths are jagged and uneven. Ako frowns and reaches her left hand up to stroke your cheek.

Your eyes feel shaky, like they’re moving too much in your skull. Vibrating. You feel like the whole room is shaking as you look at Ako who is sitting very still, aside from the slow movement of her hand stroking your cheek. She’s cooing and shushing you. You spasm forward and gag, trying to hold back from puking.

“Oh I see,” Ako says, she turns her hand around and touches her fingertips to your cheekbones and runs them down to your jaw. She gently strokes the underside of your jaw as she comes around to your chin. “Too much too quick.”  
She calmly plants her thumb on your chin and lifts two fingers. She slides them into your mouth. You try to bite down but you can’t. Your stomach kicks again and you feel the bile edging up your throat, along with your dinner.

Ako’s slender fingers hit your uvula. You feel your throat clench violently. Is she _trying_ to make you puke? You steady your vision to look at her and she’s just staring as intently as ever, only now it’s at your face. She pulls her fingers back and runs them along your bottom teeth on either side. If you weren’t about to puke this might actually be kind of hot. You arch your back and you feel the skin on your chest peel apart slightly. You heave again at the thought of your skin curling up like paper that’s been cut.

Your sister presses her two fingers into your tongue, you can’t help but push back. Her fingers taste salty. You close your lips around them and they gently rock back and forth in your maw. The saltiness stings on your chapped, cut up lips, but it feels good to be distracted from everything else. You feel almost grounded. Suddenly you find yourself gently sucking on Ako’s fingers, she’s slowly sliding them out of your mouth and then back in. She has a rhythm. Your brain goes somewhere else for a minute.

You snap back into reality to the ripping of fabric. You glance downward and see that Ako is just cutting your shirt off now. Straight down the front. She’s stopped cutting you for now, but you can see the cut extending down your chest from your throat to the middle of your chest. It stings, you can feel the edges of your skin stinging. There’s blood running from the cut. Your breasts bounce a little, freed from the fabric as the knife finishes cutting the shirt. Your shirt falls in two pieces to either side of you, the back held on your body by your sleeves only now.

Ako grabs your jaw with three fingers, the two in your mouth and her thumb. She places the hand with the knife behind your head now, gently guiding you backwards toward the ground. She stops and grabs a pillow off of the bed that’s next to you and lays it underneath your head. It’s a strangely sweet gesture considering the tone of the rest of the interaction. She removes the knife and that hand from behind your head, placing it sideways on your stomach.

She flips her grip on the knife so the blade is opposite her thumb, making a fist again. She lifts that fist up towards your throat. You shudder slightly, afraid of what she’s going to do now. Ako extends a single pointer finger from her tight grip on the blade, she places the finger tip at the top of your cut and drags it down along the length. The blood moves with her finger, oozing out of the cut and spreading out, onto the skin around the cut. She hits the end of the cut and lifts the finger, dangling it in front of her mouth before sliding it in.

Ako lets out a deep, satisfied groan, wiggling her body. She slides her fingers out of your mouth with an honestly pretty gross sound and rubs them on your cheek. The hand slides down your cheek to your shoulder, and up onto your collar bone. She grips you there like a handhold in a rock climbing wall as she lowers her mouth down to the bottom of the cut spanning your abdomen. Your sister places her tongue on the cut and you feel it sting. She slowly begins licking, the pain of this feels very different from the cutting pain but it’s still pain. Your back arches and your teeth clench again, but Ako doesn’t stop. She licks from bottom to top, occasionally stopping to seal her lips around an area and to suck the blood up.

When she’s finished she holds her head above your face. You open your eyes and see her lips and tongue are tinged red with your blood. A large, deep breath rolls through your body. You still feel the pain of the licking and the pain of the cut but honestly Ako looks kind of hot like this. It’s fucking you up a little bit because the rest of this is so… much.

And that’s when she leans in closer to you. Your face goes red with what little blood you imagine is left in you as Ako lowers her lips onto yours. Her tongue is in your mouth before you have time to think. You panic, not knowing what to do when your sister forces a kiss on you, and you default to just matching her flow. Your tongues entwine and dance for a few honestly beautiful moments. Ako lifts her hands to your cheek and cradles your face, pushing all of herself that she can into this kiss and into you. Her lips are warm and wet and she tastes like iron and cigarettes. Somewhere on your face you feel fresh wet tears, you don’t know where they’re coming from or if they’re even yours or anything aside from how much you know you enjoy this kiss.

Your thighs clench and your stomach drops. You inhale a deep breath through your nose and begin to push back against Ako, who redoubles her efforts pushing you harder into the pillow and the floor. She reaches to the side and places the knife down, quickly bringing her hand back to your face. She runs her left hand around the side of your head and into the nape of your neck, continuing to cradle you from different angles as she slowly moves her hands around your skull like a snowglobe. Her fingertips are delicate, soft, you can feel the callouses on her hand from the drumsticks.

You lift your own hands, grabbing for Ako’s breast with one and adjusting your crotch with the other. This kiss is arousing you more than you care to think about, this may just be the most satisfying kiss you’ve ever had. It’s nice to have something tender after that frankly traumatic moment.

Ako leans her tiny breast into your hand and presses into you, her legs are straddling your right leg. She lowers her hips down and grinds against your thigh. You find your legs clenching around hers, you feel how warm she feels against you. You feel yourself stirring in your panties, it’s not uncomfortable but it’s definitely a weird angle. You feel Ako’s thigh press against your half-hard cock, your hands reach up for the back of her head, you run the fingers on your right hand through her hair, entangling while your left hand comes to rest on her shoulder. You pull at her hair as you grind against her. Ako clearly notices what you’re doing because she breaks the kiss. Boo…

“I’m glad I don’t have to do this the hard way anymore,” she leans her head right into your ear and whispers this, taking the lobe of your left ear into her mouth and gently nibbling it. Your neck arches and her hand slides from the back of your head to your throat, she runs a surprisingly long fingernail along the underside of your jaw. She moans into you and begins kissing down along your jaw and up to your cheek before planting a tiny smooch on your nose.

“D-do you always treat girls so rough?” You finally manage to get some words out, any kind of footing is nice in this situation.

“Only the one I _love_ ,” She replies, leaning back in and planting a tiny kiss on your lips. Then she moves, kissing your chin, your throat, she laps gently at the cuts there again, re-wetting the cuts. Kisses dot your chest as she slides down your body, one hand still lovingly placed on your throat. It moves to your collar bone, and she grabs you like she’s climbing you again. It’s pretty hot you have to admit, you feel somehow both comforted and treated like an object.

Ako licks your cut again, it’s stopped bleeding now but there’s still some dried blood on it which she eagerly laps up. It still stings a little but much less than before, the kissing sort of put you in a different mental place anyway and that definitely helps. She cups your left breast with her right hand and looks intently at it.

“You know I’ve fucked a lot of girls,” Ako starts, dragging her wide tongue across your areola. You shudder and she closes her lips around your nipple. Her teeth come next, gingerly grabbing you. It feels wild. You’ve felt a lot of things you’ve not felt before in this short amount of time, your brain feels overloaded. You feel tears welling up again as your sister bites your tit, holds you by your clavicle just below your throat, her thin fingers digging in as she steadies her upper body, hovering over yours. It’s a sight to behold you imagine. All _you_ can see is the top of your younger sister’s head.

Ako’s thigh slides, grinding harder against your dick. Your body reacts much the way one might expect it to, you mumble a moan into the collar of a shirt that no longer exists. She bites a little harder on your nipple, tweaking it with her teeth. It sits on the knifes edge of pain and pleasure- you’ve certainly felt _more_ pain tonight but this is different. It feels at once more tender and less personal. Your brain vibrates in your skull, trying to comprehend everything that’s going on.

Your sister releases your breast and watches it settle back into where it was. She smiles at your body, turning her head to take all of you that she can in.

“The miracle of modern medicine huh?” She says, studying your breasts and your hips, the way your body curves. You simply nod in response as she slides herself over to the bottom of the cut she made in you. Her hand releases your collar bone and slides down the length of your body to your hips, where your shorts are. Both of her hands do this. She kisses the bottom of the cut, moving her hands inwards to grab the button holding your clothing on, the last button left. One hand undoes it while the other slides between your legs and against the downward pointing bulge.

“Ooh… thought I felt that,” She moans into your belly button, gently lowering her tongue into it. It feels weird but nice, nice to be appreciated again in a way that of course only Ako could. God how you missed your sister. Even aside from all of this you’re so happy to just be here but even more to be like… _here…_ _now_. Her hand gropes at your crotch, her fingers finding its form and curling around it.

The button undone, Ako carefully unzips the zipper, using her index finger and thumb to delicately pull it. Her other hand slides up from your carefully wrapped cock to grab the waistband of your shorts, and your tights underneath those. Her other hand comes up and grabs the same amount of clothing, gently pulling them down, they catch on your butt and she carefully maneuvers her hands to pull them over your soft cheeks. One final tug and your cock is free of clothing, it swings up and slaps against your pelvis. Ako giggles, reaching up to grab it with her thumb and forefinger.

“Awh, your little clitty came out to play,” You feel your face go red before you realize it as your cock twitches. No one’s ever called it a clit before and you don’t _hate_ it but you hate how she says it. It turns you on too much.

“Hey come on, I’m playing along but not _that_ much!” You protest.

Ako pinches the head of your clit… no your _cock_ damnit… she pinches it and there’s that strange mixture of pleasure and pain again. You arch your back as she shuffles with her other hand, undoing her belt and the button on her pants. She grabs the mess of clothing halfway down your thighs and pulls them down to your feet and off.

Standing she puts her hands on her hips, grabbing her own jeans and panties.

“I’m not playing Sis, lemme show you a _real_ dick.” She says, pulling her pants down.

Ako’s dick is huge. You feel your heart jump into your throat looking at it. Your breath catches in your chest and you feel your clit tense up. She kicks her pants off of her ankles and drops back down to her knees. Her soft cock brushes against your rock hard self as she leans forward, kissing your neck. She wraps her lips around a section of your throat and begins sucking, you feel the skin pulled roughly into her mouth. It feels weird, definitely not bad but you’re not sure where the good comes from. She releases with a loud pop and a groan escapes your lips. Ako takes a finger and presses roughly into the spot where she kissed. It feels bruised. Wait was that a hickey?

“What the fuck _Ako_ you shitty teen idiot,” you laugh slapping your hands against her thighs. You feel her jiggle. You look down and you see her slightly hard cock bob left and right. She leans in and plants another hickey on you close to the first, you can see her getting harder as each second passes. Another pop, another hickey and Ako goes back for a third and even larger one. Your hands absentmindedly reach for her dick. Your hands make contact and your sister moans into your throat, spasming a little as your hands wrap around her thick fucking dick. She grinds in your hands, you feel the skin slack and slide and pull taught as she thrusts into the hole you’ve made. Pulling out she also releases her lips from your neck with a third pop.

She reaches back up with her hand and grinds it into the bruised skin. Your body tenses to the side as you lean into it, you want more of this feeling. You gnash your teeth, reaching for something. Ako, taking this as a sign, slides a bit of her arm into your mouth.

“You can bite if you need to,” She says, sliding her other arm next to your head to keep herself propped up. You feel her cock jiggle in your hands and she lets out a small noise. “Let go of that too, I didn’t say you could touch me.” You drop it and it flops against your stomach, you press a small moan into Ako’s arm, biting down.

Ako’s hips buck backwards, dragging her cock along your stomach, against your clit. You flex as hard as you can and it barely makes a difference. It’s kind of _really_ hot though, you had no idea your own sister was packing this much meat. God it makes your head swim. You grasp at the rug underneath you, twisting the strands and pulling them up.

Your sister smiles down at you, evidently pleased by your reactions. She pushes her arm deeper into your maw and you return the favor with a harder bite. Ako grumbles a kind of moan into the air, you can smell her breath right above you, it’s so hot and warm, just slightly tinged with the smell of those cigarettes. You want to kiss her more than you want to bite but clearly she’s invested in this so you bite down a little harder- you don’t actually know how much harder you can go before you break skin or your teeth on her but you’re definitely approaching that limit now.

Ako clenches her teeth and trills her tongue, you hear her tongue piercing click against the backs of her teeth in time with the undulations. Her hips buck forward and grind her womanhood against you once more, your jaw clenches more and she leans the full weight of her body into you through her pelvis, mashing your genitals together. You feel a dab of precome coming out of you and slicking the underside of your sister’s cock. She pulls back and you glide along her quite smoothly. Her tongue lolls out of her mouth, the oversized ball on her tongue looks like it’s weighing it down. God her tongue is long too, everything about this girl is built to fuck, you think to yourself. Built to fuck _you._ You shudder at the thought of that.

Clearly your biting isn’t doing enough because Ako has paused everything else to watch your face while you do your thing. She lifts her free hand up and does a kind of motion that says “get on with it,” so you decide to bite as hard as you can. You don’t so much _feel_ your teeth pierce her flesh but you definitely hear it happen. She lets out a shuddering moan.

“Thatssssss it,” she hisses in a sultry voice.

You taste blood, it runs down your teeth and between them. You release the bite and pull back slightly, a strand of blood mixed with saliva hangs from your teeth to Ako’s arm. She looks down at you and moans again, and uses a free finger to break the bridge. She pulls it into her own mouth with a satisfied noise. Then she leans down and laps at the blood. You can see your teeth marks and the tiny punctures, you’ve never bitten someone this hard before. You reach up and touch your mouth, wiping a small amount of blood from your lip. The taste is surprisingly good, not to be ‘too Ako’ about it but like it’s very satisfying. Your teeth kind of hurt though.

Ako finishes sucking the blood from her wound and releases her arm from her mouth, letting it come to rest next to you.

“Good girl,” she practically purrs at you. You don’t know how you feel about being called a good girl but you definitely feel your cheeks go pink. Ako’s _so_ smooth it’s ridiculous, she never misses a beat.

You reach up to touch her face and she nibbles your middle finger, pulling it and another into her mouth. Her tongue rides down between them, separating the fingers, licking at the webbing between them, all while she stares daggers into you. You squirm a little more than ‘a little’ and she smiles through her tiny snack. Your cheeks go pinker.

She finally kisses your fingers and releases them, your hand flops down next to you as Ako idly grinds her cock into you. You almost forgot about that thing. Woof. You reach down and grab it with both hands, if Ako is gonna tease you, you should get to put the moves on her too. God this stupid thing is bigger than both of your hands holding it, and you have _big ass hands_. Your sister smiles, flexing it, so much blood rushes into it and your hands feel every milliliter. Ako kisses your chest again and slides down your body, moving towards your own clit… _cock! Damnit!_

Ako plants a kiss right above your genitals, on your waistband line, you can feel your little dick throb as her hand comes up from below to grab it. She secures her forefinger and thumb around the base, squeezing it, keeping the blood trapped inside. Applying her tongue to the underside of the head feels like the natural thing to do, so she does it. You squirm, overwhelmed by the feeling. It’s finally happening, after everything else you went through today you’re finally getting to the _fucking_ part of fucking. Your sister makes small circles with her tongue on the head of your cock, it drives you fucking _wild_. No one’s ever treated your girlhood so delicately, everyone just expects you to be a top and to fuck and to be… a _man_. This is the first time you’ve felt like a woman connected to these genitalia. There’s definitely some tears welling up.

She notices this, looking up at you as she gingerly plants kisses and laps at your clit. Her face looks so big next to it… or you look _so small._ She smiles at your tears and for some reason that makes you want to cry even more, not out of sadness but out of some kind of catharsis- finally you have a space to feel like this. It’s honestly beautiful. All it took was your sister to put your dick in her mouth for it to happen, you muse, mustering up a tiny chuckle.

Ako wraps her lips around the head of your cock, sliding the ball of her tongue ring into the opening at the end. It doesn’t quite hurt but it’s a strange feeling, you don’t hate it though. She pauses and slides down to the shaft, taking all of you in one gulp. You think about returning the favor and hope she doesn’t expect you to be able to do all that with her… Your nervousness about that concept almost kills the pleasure of getting head… _almost_. Your hands come up and you lazily run your fingers through Ako’s hair. She’s doing a very good job considering she’s never interacted with your genitals before, she’s at once delicate but also self assured, she knows what she’s doing and she’s _going_ to do it. It’s comforting to be taken care of, you think, leaning your head back and arching your spine. Ako builds into a small rhythm, it’s unbelievable you _already_ feel like you’re gonna come. You gently tap the back of her head to let her know and she slows to a crawl, then stops entirely. You’re panting by that point, you can feel the erection you have deep in your core, you flex your abs and try to will an orgasm out fruitlessly. You’re right on the edge. She had very good timing.

She reaches up from underneath you and gently grabs your balls, massaging them. You reach a hand out and tap her head, shaking your own at her. It’s not really you thing and you figure telling her that now might help things out. She seems to understand and lets them go. You see her eyes light up for a moment, she has some other plan perhaps?

Ako leans forward and over you, to the bedside table behind you. She produces a condom, large, and some lube, also large. She holds the condom up and smiles. Oh god wait she wants to _fuck_ you, you think. You haven’t done that in a _long_ while. You definitely didn’t prep and… god you _really_ need it with this one. It’s so rare for you to meet other trans lesbians, let alone ones who are tops, let _ALONE_ ones with dicks this big. You bite your lower lip and Ako grumbles something, placing the condom down next to you.

“You know now that I think about it we don’t need this do we?” Ako smiles fairly genuinely at you, you try to return it not quite sure what she means. “I mean we _need_ lube but,” she grabs your ass as she speaks, gesturing to it. “I kinda wanna feel _all_ of this. I mean i’ve been _waiting_ so _long_.” She flashes a wicked grin at you and you start sweating.

“I… I mean I didn’t prep I didn’t… expect this,” you stammer out, but Ako just places a single finger on your lips.

“The bathroom is right across the hall and with _my_ dick it’s gonna happen either way so I’m used to it… don’t worry.” She leans in and kisses you quickly on the lips. She pulls back slowly. “Don’t you wanna _feel_ me Tomoe?… Sis?.” She curls her lower lip as she asks this, it’s a classic puppy dog look and you’re not sure why she’s pulling this instead of some hot domme shit but you can’t really say no to either so you just slowly nod. What’s the worst that could happen.

Ako claps her hands and rubs them together, she picks up the lube and quickly coats the fingers on her left hand, which you now notice have _far_ shorter nails than her right hand. Her middle three fingers are particularly well kept, you notice now that they’re painted a slightly different shade of black… no it’s definitely a deep purple. Subtle things like that are neat to you, you’ve never had much of a fashion sense but you still really appreciate Ako’s.

A wet finger is steadily pressed against your asshole, it’s the middle finger based on the way you can feel her other fingers. Okay the longest one first huh? You take a deep breath and exhale very slowly.  
“Ready?” Ako asks, how kind. You give her a single solemn nod and she is _already_ worming her way inside you. Her finger wiggles and prods and probes your insides as she sneaks the entire length of it inside of you. God it’s _been_ a minute huh? It feels familiar but boy are you not in practice anymore. You clench around her tightly, trying to calm yourself enough to loosen. Ako curls her finger, skimming it against your prostate. You feel a pressure in your clit and all you can focus on is that anal feeling, everything else disappears.

“Hmmm...” Ako hums to herself, lost in thought as she readies a second finger to join her first. You’re halfway opening your mouth to stop her but it’s already inside you. You groan and slam your eyes shut. This is too much too quickly, your guts hurt and you can feel the sting of going just a _little_ too fast. Ako winks at you and readies the third finger. You cry out as it enters you with the others, she flexes her fingers, spreading them wider apart inside of you then curls them, massaging your prostate, it’s not enough, you need more _time_ to adjust.

“A-Ako pl-please...” you stammer. She simply nods in response, pulling her fingers out of you.

“I know, I _know_ ,” she assures you, smiling.

She reaches down and you lie back, pausing for a second to catch your breath.

That’s when you feel it. Ako’s cock pressed right against you, you look down and she’s still spreading a bit of lube on herself. She smiles and grabs the backs of your thighs, lifting you for an easier entrance.

“You just want me so bad, you can’t _wait,”_ she half moans that last part, pressing the head of her thick dick into you. God you’re being torn in _half_. It burns, it’s too much! It’s too quick! If she would _just_ slow down it’d be nice for the both of you. But you can’t say that, you can’t say anything, your mouth is open and completely dry, there’s no words or even saliva left. Ako chuckles, slowly sliding more into you, scooting her knees forward as she closes the distance between her pelvis and yours.

A guttural noise escapes your mouth from somewhere deep within you, it’s a pained one and Ako seems to notice that. She pauses for a second, just a second enough to adjust… to acclimate. Okay. Think. Calm. Focus. Your body is rushing so hard to try and make use of this window you’ve been given. You look to Ako and notice she’s looking down, so you look down too. You can’t see very well because of the angle but it still looks like you have a lot to go. Your head thumps back against the pillow and you whine a sad pathetic noise. Your sister reaches up and strokes your cheek affectionately.

“Don’t worry I’ll stop once I’m all the way in, that should give you a moment to adjust,” her smirk is grim and she resumes her work. You thrash to no avail, her hands are on the backs of your thighs and her dick is too far inside you for you to make any meaningful motion. You ball your hands into angry fists and punch the rug a few times.

Ako coos out a tiny moan at you, leaning in close to kiss your cheek. She gently nibbles it after the kiss.

“God you’re _so_ fucking tight sis. _Big_ sis.” she sounds out of breath, almost grunting this into your ear. “Don’t worry it’s almost all in.”

Whatever she’s saying you can’t think about it. It’s going in one ear and out the other because you are too focused on the discomfort of this moment. It’s overwhelming, you _feel_ just _so_ many things, some you’ve never felt before. Some you don’t think you’ll ever feel again. Your heart is pounding and you reach up and clutch at a shirt that isn’t there, twisting an imaginary one into a little ball in your fist.  
And then Ako stops.

You look down and your bodies are _much_ closer now. Ako’s stomach is pressed against the base of your cock, you see a small bulge in your stomach. Christ. She’s not pressing against your balls so they must be safe and just out of view. You breathe a tiny sigh of relief at that. You look up and Ako is staring down at you, biting her lower lip. She looks excited.

“I fit!” she exclaims, you roll your eyes.

“You need to _calm_ down, I’m not gonna get up and run away if you fuck me slowly.” you protest, and now it’s Ako’s turn to roll her eyes.

The two of you sit in a kind of uncomfortable silence after that. You acclimate well to the massive dick inside you. As well as you can imagine you would. I mean you’re still out of practice and definitely not prepped well for this but your breathing has slowed and you can feel more control of your muscles and you can feel the warm skin to skin contact of your sister’s cock stuffed in your ass and god she’s hitting places you haven’t even hit with _toys_ before and she’s just like _resting_ on your prostate right now but when it _MOVES_ it’ll be like _WHOA_ and it-…

You blink hard. Taking a deep breath. You’re getting caught up in this now. One of you needs to not be too caught up in this because Ako likes to play dangerously it seems. At least with you she does. You need to be level headed so you don’t get hurt because that might crush Ako. It might crush the both of you but you’re mostly worried about her, even in this moment. You breathe in slowly, hold it for a few seconds and exhale even slower.

“Please take it slow,” you ask, hand reaching up to stroke your sister’s cheek. “Please please _please_ take it slow. This is _so_ much more dick than I’m used to.” Ako flexes in response to that, you can feel her twitch inside of you, skimming your insides. Wow that feels good! Uh oh! Ako smiles a very big smile.

“Aw shucks this lil’ ole’ thing?” Ako says, stirring her hips from left to right. Your guts feel scrambled as she does this. You reach a hand out and grab the collar of her shirt, pulling her closer. You pull her face past yours and whisper into her ear.

“Your dick is _huge_ Ako, I _know_ you want to hear me say it so there it is. This is the biggest dick I’ve ever seen outside of some crazy internet shit and it’s clearly the biggest I’ve taken so _please_ work with me here. We’re fucking, we’re _already_ fucking it’s not gonna _stop_ so just… not so rough right now.” you whisper-plead this into your sisters ear, punctuating it with a little nibble on her earlobe. She pulls her face back and it’s her turn to be bright pink it seems.

“Yeah sorry...” she reaches up and slaps her cheeks with her hands. “I’m getting carried away because like...” she looks down and gestures at your body and her own, her crotch mashed against your ass. “Like… wow… like- _WOW_ you know? I get excited when I get to do stuff.” She sighs a contented sigh and then nods at you, agreeing to your terms it seems.

A beat. Two beats. Two measures. A bar.

“Okay, I think I’m good,” you answer the unasked question. Ako nods twice.

She begins pulling out slowly. It’s actually slower than you anticipated, it’s almost agonizing. You guess no matter what the pace is Ako is going to retain any amount of control she’s allowed to… or that she takes. You rock your hips a little, trying to scratch an itch you can feel building. Your sister moves her body along with yours, conforming to the small dance you’ve started, flowing with you and against you at just the right moments. It’s bliss to be so in sync with a sexual partner. Also… _holy shit_ you and Ako are _fucking._ You were _right_. You resist the urge to pump your fist or celebrate because it’d ruin the flow of things but fuckin YES god damn YES _eat it_! You don’t even know who you’re gloating at but someone has to eat the shit for this because it’s not you, you’re finally doing it and it’s not even bad and it’s not even creepy and she _wants_ it. She wants _you._ You could melt into a puddle. Fuck you therapy! This is cheaper and way more efficient at helping you figure out your feelings.

You feel the ridge of Ako’s head as she finishes exiting you, she looks down and looks back up, tilting her head with a “Meh” kinda noise.

“Looks fine, way better than I expected in terms of mess,” she says a little _too_ honestly.

Your face goes red.

“Are you kidding me Ako!” your hands rush up to cover your face, “I _guess_ that’s good!” You groan. You do not want to be talking about that! You want to fuck.

Ako giggles, she knows what she’s doing.

Reversing her direction, your sister begins sliding back inside you. This part is familiar, this part is _good_. It’s still slower than you’d like but boy is she hitting the right spots. It’s like her dick was _made_ for you, or you were made for her? Made for each other is what you settle on. You run your hands down your abdomen and grab the inside of your thighs, squeezing tightly. it’s been a long time since you’ve been fucked and it’s _nice._ With a dick like this around you won’t have to think about dating men either. Not that you would... yuck.

Ako continues her motions, slowly in and slowly out. She’s not building speed or anything she’s keeping a very gentle and steady pace. It’s almost like she’s teasing you… or maybe she’s just waiting for you to give her the go ahead. God it doesn’t really matter you just want to get _fucked_ now. All this nice soft stuff is good but now you’re chasing the high of being cut, of biting, you _had_ the soft now you want the hard. You reach a hand up and slide it behind Ako’s head, pulling her in for a kiss.

“You can- go- faster- now-,” you manage to push out, in between sloppy wet kisses.

Ako’s pace changes. She’s picking it up now. You reach down and grab your clit with both hands, wrapping your hands around the base like you’re presenting it. You buck your hips forward and flex, feeling the pressure from your hands meeting the one from your hard cock. The two forces mingle and you feel a deep pleasure shudder through you. You sister meanwhile is still plodding away. I mean she’s doing _well_ it’s just there’s not much more to say or think about it. Her dick is huge- it’s inside you- she hits everything perfectly- you’re in love- you know all normal sex stuff that happens. With your sister. You know how it goes.

Your legs get picked up higher as Ako changes the angle slightly, she’s hitting even deeper now and your brain is on the verge of shutting off actually. Your hands can’t even work on yourself because you feel this insatiable need to clench up into a ball. You draw your arms and hands to your chest, curling up. Your sister notices and picks up the pace. _God_ nevermind what you said about it being normal this is very abnormal now. Your feet are curling up, every muscle in your body feels like it’s contracting. Ako is effortlessly sliding all of herself in and out of you, as hard as she can. All you can hear are the claps of thigh against ass and the squick of lubricant slick bodies in motion. You let out a shuddering moan and you feel the curling sensation in your stomach. You feel your stomach bulge with every thrust, you feel your skin rub against the head of your clit as your sister just fuckin _lays into_ you with her big perfect dick. You’re _rock_ hard, which is weird because normally you have to focus hard on the sensation of being fucked to enjoy it… but _now_ you can’t feel or think of anything else but Ako. Ako. Ako. Her dick. The angle. Her thrusts. The little breathless noises she makes. How close your faces are. Your dick slapping against your body. The way your tummy bulges just a little. How useless and small you feel. How you’re just a hole. It barely took any time and now you’re just your younger sister’s hole.

You twitch at that thought, clearly one you want to explore, but you can’t focus too much. All you can think is “I am Ako’s hole.” God _this_ is what being fucked is. You feel the curling sensation again in your pelvis, your stomach and abs tighten, your thighs tighten and curl in, wrapping themselves around Ako’s back. Your toes are curled, your fingers, your hands, your arms. You’re contracting again into a tiny ball and you can feel something else now. A very deep satisfying feeling that’s building. You try to reach down for your clit but you can’t move your hands enough. Your mouth opens but you can’t say anything! All you can do is spray and drool saliva. Your mind is completely blank aside from the thought of this building orgasm and being used by your sister like a toy. Your eyes are watering, you love this, you love Ako, you- you come.

You’re almost screaming, you only know this because Ako has reached a hand up to cover your mouth while she thrusts. She shows _zero_ signs of stopping for your orgasm and somehow that intensifies the whole situation. You twitch rhythmically as your sister’s opposing rhythm continues, you feel the moisture dribbled across your stomach. Clear beautiful come. You reach down and place a hand over your stomach, smearing some of it into your skin. Your belly button is full of ejaculate. Your brain is still fuzzy and you’re still curled up. You try to speak but your tongue feels curled too. You don’t get to relax at all as Ako continues slamming you, building to her own orgasm you hope.

You glance up and Ako’s face looks like she’s in pain. She’s alternating between open mouth gasped pants for air and biting her lip so hard it nearly bleeds. You can feel her cock twitch occasionally, you can feel her legs shaking from all the pressure on her knees, her thighs wobble slightly underneath your center of gravity which is somewhere closer to Ako’s side than yours. She squeezes roughly on the tops of your thighs and then suddenly lets them go. She slides her arms underneath you, wrapping around and grabbing the tops of your shoulders. She pulls with each thrust, slamming you harder into her. Your tongue lolls out. God she’s using you like a fucking blow up doll. Like you’re too stupid to even fuck you’re just a toy. You feel another stirring in your clit but you know you’re spent, it’s just way too hot a thought to not cause some reaction.

Ako holds her breath. You see her take a deep breath and you see her mouth held open, her throat clenched to keep the air in.

“Come on sis, _paint_ my guts,” you half yelp, hoping to encourage her.

It seems to work. Her thrusts slow, feel more deliberate, like she’s right on the edge teetering.

“Please use me right Ako, fill me up like you’re supposed to,”

Ako obliges your gentle requests with one final thrust inside. _Deep_ inside. Your shoulders shrug and your eyes roll up as far as they’ll go and maybe just a little farther. Your knees are pretty much against your chest now. Ako is as deep as she’s gonna get and you can _feel_ her twitching. You can feel her coming inside of you. A warmth spread from that place out throughout your body, radiating. You wrap your feet around your sister’s head, locking your ankles while she continues orgasming. Her face hits the pillow next to your head, her whole body leans with it. You feel her legs twitch as she practically shouts your name into the pillow. Then she’s biting it, growling.

And there’s a moment of calm.

There’s a moment of calm that’s just breathing. Just panting. Just absolutely exhausted noises from the two of you. Your legs unhook from behind Ako’s neck and fall next to her, your hips vibrate as you bring them down, unable to stand the weight being exerted even if it’s your own body weight. Your hands collapse next to you and Ako’s chest collapses onto yours, her face is still buried in the pillow. She’s groaning softly with each breath. You weakly reach up a hand and pet the back of her head slowly. You feel Ako twitch as you do this, it’s surprising but still familiar. Things are as silent as silent could get in this moment.

“Wow,” Ako pants into your shoulder, moving her head slightly to kiss it. Then again. More kisses. She nibbles gently. “Wow Tomoe, _fuck…_ you- you know?” She squeezes out.

“Yeah babe, ‘Wow’,” you answer, lost for words too.

You hold this position for about a minute as Ako goes soft. You can kind of feel it, it’s weird but not as weird as anything else you’ve felt today which you suppose is fine. Wow what a day. What a _first_ day home. You notice your head is held off the pillow and you gently lower it down. As you do Ako lifts her own, propping herself up on her elbows and then her fists. She does a small push up, leaning in and kissing you softly. It’s just a peck but it feels very nice. She pulls back and sits up on her knees. She’s trembling, most of her body is shaking. She leans weight from leg to leg and you watch her essentially vibrate. You thought she’d be more used to this.

“Sorry I uh… I’m shaky because I always have a hard time finishing so I always gotta like… I got my little routines and stuff.” She kind of blushes a little while saying this, it’s insufferably cute but she sounds genuinely anxious.

“My _big_ little sister is worried about shaking? Don’t worry you’re still in control here dummy.” You gesture towards your ass, where her cock is still firmly planted. Ako laughs, it sort of disarms the moment. “Besides it’s kind of cute… or _hot_ if you wanna hear that. Like you gotta just use me like a toy to get off just-,” you pause because she’s staring at you, now it’s your turn to go red.

“Filthy!” Ako says, pointing a finger at your face. “Dirty!!!” she laughs while pointing more, shaming you.

You laugh along too, it is funny. This was the last thing you were expecting during this trip.

“So uh, can I?” Ako gestures down as well. You nod in response and Ako pulls out. What a strange feeling it is being empty, you feel something running down the crack of your ass. You think about your sister’s come inside of you. You give a little shudder. It’s _very_ hot.

“Hmm...” Ako says, looking down at her dick, it’s much more reasonably sized now you notice, looking as well. “I’m gonna hop in the shower if that’s okay, then you’re welcome to if you want?”

Ako reaches behind you and opens a drawer on the nightstand, there’s towels inside and she grabs two out, handing one to you.

She blushes and looks down.

“I mean we _could_ shower together but you’re probably too old for that kinda thing and-”

“Ako it’s fine,” You cut her off. “I was hoping to do some sisterly things while I was here anyway. I was so scared you’d… it doesn’t matter right now actually. I’d love to shower with you if that’s alright?”

Ako nods enthusiastically standing up. You hear all of her joints in her legs crack and pop. I guess the two of you _are_ getting older. You sit up and feel the kind of pleasant feeling that comes after being fucked. You stand up and notice a lube stain on the rug where your ass was. You point to it but Ako just waves her hand.

“Nothing new don’t worry, it’ll come out easy.” She assures you.

A sigh of relief from the both of you, you’re both standing now next to each other, naked. You lean sideways and gently bump Ako on her shoulder with your head.

“Love ya sis,” you say. You really do. Even if it’s hard- It’s all you got in this moment.

“Love ya too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I had this really hot idea for edgy Ako knifeplay and I tossed around some thoughts about it and ended up with this thing, I hope you enjoyed it and if you wanna see more... I could probably do that!


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